“…And I’m getting a little sick (ill). Which I have no time for right now, in the middle of all my problems.”
He releases a soft, amused laughter “What problems, my dear? What would your problem be?”
I took a deep breath in disbelief, and contained my otherwise harsh reaction. After all, I didn’t want to bicker with him only a few days before the [Persian] New Year.
Finally, “Dad, are you serious?”
He was still laughing so maybe he wasn’t serious. But I noticed that there appeared on my heart, a serious but small crack.
What problems, right?
Do I need to list?
Do I need to remind him that I’m spending the New Year in class? Which is better than being home alone, of course. Or that I’m worried about his health at 73 and that if something happens to him, if/when I can get to him? Or how it can rain so heavy in London that you feel you’re wet forever? Or the million little plans I have, from A to Z, and how anxious they all make me as months and weeks go by? Do I tell him that most importantly, I know how tough it is getting in Tehran and that I am utterly helpless and useless in that regard. Do I tell him I have so many memories of home and I’m so afraid of losing them, that my mind reviews them in elaborate dreams every night. But I guess the most immanent “problem” on the list right now is one that I have paid a lot of money to have, which is purging out another three papers in less than a month for the benefit of my professors’ judgment, and with the presence of coughs and a fever.
But, what problems, really?
I’m in London, today is sunny, and I’m in London. I’m alone, and sometimes it hurts, but I am by myself and that’s mostly wonderful. Persian New Year is confusing because it was just January when the more popular calendar started, and it was also my birthday. . . Yet again, it’s good to get a third chance at making resolutions. My papers are quite exciting to me, I have some wonderful friends though scattered around the world, and I have longed for this sense of freedom for a long time.
I’ve always felt like I have a lot of problems. But if you don’t have any problems you don’t have any. . .thing. Anything. The solutions are the most exciting part any way. So I guess he’s right. What problems? I just need some soup. Chicken noodle will do.
Happy New Year, my beautiful Persians.